I recently heard a faculty member jokingly refer to a former student as “unfortunately” working in a certain industry. “Why ‘unfortunately,’” I asked? She explained the ethical implications that might be involved in his new line of work. Cool, fair.
This throw-away remark reminded me of a different kind of throw-away remark. I was speaking with a professor in my PhD department about a former student of hers. She said that “it was such a shame” that he hadn’t gotten a job; she meant an academic (professor) job. We both knew he did have a job, a job he liked. But her message to me was one of lament, not celebration.
It’s fine to feel and express sadness about careers not launched (research not published, impact not made). At the same time, it’s important for faculty members to note who’s listening, and what message they might be inadvertently sending.
What to say instead
“I hope all my students grapple with the ethical implications of their work, just as I hope I do too” is better than “unfortunately,” shared without explanation. Instead of “it’s such a shame,” how about: “I know he really hoped to land a faculty position and I’m frustrated for him — for the whole field! — that didn’t work out. But I know he’s happy where he is now, so that’s great.”
The key here is to separate how you feel about your own professional loss from what you think about a person. Lament the former. Support, even cheer on, the latter.
It is unfortunate that you won’t have this student as your colleague and collaborator anymore. It sucks that the discipline and profession as a whole won’t benefit from their brilliance. You should lament this loss.
But your former student? They are (presumably) trying to make their way in the world in the best way they know how. It’s rough out there. Here’s to you doing your best to be supportive and positive, both for their sake and because your current students might be listening.
Oh, and it’s possible your students might make an even bigger impact outside academia than they ever would have within in. That’s definitely something to celebrate.