My life’s changed a great deal over the past year. In mid-June 2012 I received my diploma, my PhD in history from the University of Toronto. It was a big moment, getting that piece of paper. I’d been through some less-than-pleasant administrative experiences, and did not fully trust that I would actually graduate. So even though I’d handed in my completed dissertation months earlier, convocation was when it felt real.
But though I was now officially Dr. Jennifer Polk, PhD (!), what did I have to show for it? I had an on-going 10-hour-a-week job that was essentially glorified data entry, and I was working freelance for a small handful of clients, doing light administrative assistance, internet research, and a smattering of other things. That was it. I knew that it was still early days, but the frustration was mounting.
By the fall, I’d reached a turning point. I quit the data entry job and mostly disengaged from the other freelance work. Psychologically, if not actually, I was done. But then what? What does a history PhD do if not become an academic? Ouff. Well, you know the rest (if you’ve been reading this blog).
So, where am I now?
I’m a few weeks into a coach training program and it’s going well. I’ve even started practicing my new skills on real people (read: non classmates)! These free sessions have felt pretty good, but I know some conversations were not as helpful as others. I’m trying not to worry about those less-awesome sessions, because I know I’m doing my best and I’m being honest about where I’m at.
And that’s all I can do, here and in life in general: do my best and be honest. I’m working on it.
Oh, and if you want to help me practice / get coached, please be in touch!
Comments
10 responses to “Working on it”
It’s all about the journey! even for the coaches. Less than awesome conversations to you may have been truly mind-opening for someone else. You are going to be an awesome coach. Maybe that’s your company name? AwesomeCoach.com Definitely has a ring to it.
Thanks! I think you might be right… I got an email from one of my less-than-awesome convo ppl, telling me about all the things she’d done/realized since talking! High five me. 🙂
Disengagement seems to be a common experience. Many former grad students (like myself) slowly start to disengage from the cycle of conferences, publications, contract work, and reading groups when they reach that psychological state of being “done,” and this was certainly my experience. The challenge becomes having a strategy of replacement, where your time and energy is being refocused onto a new enterprise. I’m glad to hear that you are finding success with the coaching training!
Yes, definitely! Finding that focus was hard… an interim focus was… finding focus! Once I sunk my teeth into that, I was happier.
Speaking up and telling your story is important. You didn’t know what academic life was like on the inside and if others knew, they might think twice before pursuing a PhD. Still, you did it, you’re a doctor and you can use that credential in a whole host of ways. Great post!
Thanks!
Yes, speaking up about the PhD experience is important especially it it removes that element of glamour (oh why??) that appears to exist around the PhD way of life. It also makes it much easier to work out for oneself what’s next in the grand scheme of things.
Agreed 🙂
Jennifer, I just found your blog and your experience is scarily similar to my own: Newly-minted History PhD from the University of Calgary (June 2103) who spent so much time in grad school for want of other ideas about where to go in life. Now I really want out of academia, but I’m starting from scratch it seems in terms of where to proceed from this point on. Good luck on your own endeavors and I’d love to see some posts about opportunities in Toronto, my current town, if you come across any! Thanks a bunch,
Important: You’re not actually starting from scratch! It seems like it… but think of all the things you already know about yourself 🙂