Like many academics, I spent my young adult years postponing many of the small things that I knew would make me happy, including reading novels for pleasure, learning to cook, taking a photography class, and joining a gym. I would do all of these things when I had time—when I finished school, when I had a job, when I was awarded tenure, and so on. I was fortunate enough to realize that I would never have time unless I made the time. And then the rest of my life began.
Christopher Peterson, A Primer in Positive Psychology (New York: Oxford University Press, 2006), 22.
This paragraph appears in the context of an exercise Peterson assigns readers: to write an obituary for themselves. What would they want friends and loved ones to remember and celebrate? How would people summarize their achievements? What would be highlighted? At the end of it all, what mattered? (Peterson died unexpectedly last October. Here’s what three of his friends and colleagues wrote about him.)
Peterson’s description of postponing life in pursuit of academic achievement resonates with me. My own experience was slightly different. I did put some things off—I still do, gah!—but other things I did but then felt guilty for not being the academic superstar I might have been. (“I had so much potential!” I joked.) While some of my colleagues worked 12 hour days, presented at a dozen conferences (or more), and published articles and reviews, I focused on extracurricular activities. I sometimes felt like an academic loser, but sometimes could take solace in knowing that what I was doing mattered in other ways. So my realization, which came after many years of avoiding the issue head-on, was that now is the time to work toward my life goals, to enjoy myself, and to dedicate my days (as much as possible) to working out who I am and what I want. I’m no loser: I’m me, and trying to be the best me I can is a truly worthy pursuit. And I’ve got huge potential . . . in a very different way!
What’s your experience? How would you like to be remembered? Are you living true to your values and desires?
Comments
6 responses to “Chris Peterson: “And then the rest of my life began””
He is so right! I’m so glad I didn’t postpone life while I was in grad school. I could probably have easily been sucked into it if we weren’t the fact that my partner is not an academic and it felt unfair to not spend time with him. Also, he had built a career in the corporate world without ever sacrificing his personal life and giving up his own personal interests, which were plenty. I read novels, learned to cook, took photography classes, and went to the gym (ok, this one a bit less than I wanted), all during my PhD. I’m now working but have made sure to take the time to also learn to knit and sew because these things make me happy. Sure, I worry about productivity. I also worry I don’t read as much as I should to keep up. But you know what? If I one day lose my job because of that, then it wasn’t worth having. I’ll find something else. But I can’t just work and have no time for myself.
“If I one day lose my job because of that, then it wasn’t worth having.” YES. And, FWIW, I’m so glad to know you 🙂
aww, thanks 🙂 I’m glad I know you too 🙂
This is just the reminder I need today!
Glad to help 🙂
Interesting post! I think I am lucky to have been born in Austria – we don’t work that much 🙂 … unless you work for the Austrian subsidiary of a US corporation.
Working on my PhD was one of the most 9-to-5-y jobs I ever had. However, I have been reminded often that I could achieve so much more because of My Incredible Potential.
I learned my first lesson in the Dilbert-style illogicality of management speak at the university as I could not understand why I should work more if I am able to meet the same academic benchmarks (such as number of publications) when working standard hours as colleagues who work more hours. I was (and still am) a believer in the idea of smartness being represented in output over time.
The upside was that these unnerving and frequent discussions – on why I am not “utilizing the lab’s expensive resources at the weekend” or not cancelling my vacation in order to attend a conference – have prepared me very well for related discussions in the competitive corporate world.
I guess I want to be remembered for challenging authority!